some recent celebrity dreams

Steve Martin is starting a new career as an ice cream man. He's deciding between two kinds of cones and asks me what I think. His wife prefers the regular sugar cone. He prefers the strange cone, it's flatter with some kind of shape (hexagon?) on it and lightly dusted with cinnamon. I prefer the strange cone too. It tastes better. There's a mother who agrees with Steve Martin's wife because she isn't sure her child would like, or even know what to do with, the strange cone. These women seem ridiculously conservative. Steve Martin is going to be an ice cream man. Steve Martin should be unique and have his own ice cream style.

* * *

I'm supposed to give at talk at a poetry panel. In this talk I quote poems from 5 poets, e.e.cumming, a latino (dream) poet and others. I have copies of my talk (same one I gave two year ago) in hard copy, but not enough for the entire audience. I misplaced my laptop and am looking all over the hotel for it, so I can print out more copies of my handouts. While I'm looking, a creepy, leering Charlie Sheen keeps trying to get my attention. I avoid him as best I can. I go up a set of stairs that lead to the women's gym/spa. It's for women only, so Charlie Sheen can't follow me.

* * *

Ryan Phillippe is a vulgar high school jock and making vulgar, high school jock jokes to a popular girl who went to my high school. He starts talking to Gideon and I'm terrified Gideon might say the wrong thing and incur the wrath of Ryan Phillippe. I'm on edge. But Ryan Phillippe cuts Gideon a break and moves on.

* * *

I go into President Obama's closet and bathroom. There's a nice armoire and a very nice bath. Then I go into Michelle Obama's closet and bath. It's not as nice as the president's, but it still pretty nice.

* * *

Roger Ebert is a woman with smooth legs. Roger Ebert is both man and woman. Or maybe he can go back and forth. Some people have difficulty accepting this. Roger Ebert is serving giant, pinata-looking snacks, made out of something like popcorn. Robert Ebert sprays cheese on these pinata-looking snacks for texture. Chris would rather have his snack without the spraycheese. We might have paid for two, but we only get one pinata-looking snack covered in spraycheese.

* * *

Something about Bill Cosby. Something about Bill Cosby being a grumpy, but wise, old man.

* * *

I interview Howard Stern. He's not taking this interview seriously. Or maybe the questions I ask are too in-depth. We go down into a basement level. He becomes a little round creature and begins to answer my questions, but he's hard to hear. I ask him about how he both loves women and doesn't, how he seems to both respect and humiliate them. There's a sexy woman standing in front of a storefront. The sexy woman has Howard Stern's attention.

* * *

I go up to my office to find Emilio Estavez's memoir called______. I had it for a while and it's supposed to be pretty good. I look for it on the shelf and find it hidden behind something else. The flap says Emilio Estavez writes about how he ended up on a jet plane with Gaddafi.

* * *

Vanilla Ice is accused of raping 18 people after a sporting event. He denies the charges and seems genuinely shocked he's being accused. His lawyer informs him that there have been hundreds of accusations and over 60 were made with veracity (tenacity ?). Things do not look good for Vanilla Ice.

* * *

Paris Hilton is meeting her family outside a coffee shop. They all have very blonde hair. A dark-haired, possibly balding, average-looking man (not a Hilton) is sitting with their group. He stands up and they all seem surprised that he's there.

napowrimo #1

[snip]

I don't think I'll be doing this after all.