My 20 year high school reunion is this weekend. As I mentioned last month, Chris purchased new clothes for his reunion. I thought it only fair that I too get a new outfit. This afternoon I attempted to shop using the "cool" or "successful" gauge that the salesman taught Chris.

I quickly decided that was a shallow-ass way to shop for dresses. I tried on a few dresses that said "Oh look at me me, I'm totally hot, now don't you wish you asked me to prom, you pot-bellied motherfucker."

I questioned who such a message would be directed at and it struck me as a not very nice message. Besides, I'm somebody's mother now.

I found a dress that I absolutely love. It's not exactly a nighttime dress, but the first thing I thought was "this is me." The saleswoman tried to talk me out of it. She said, oh yes, the dress looks very nice on you, but everybody has a dress like that.

"Everybody has a dress with a bird and elk print?" I asked. She backtracked and said, well, no, but everyone has a dress in that style. She thought I should select one of the hottie dresses.

I know this may be my last reunion where my breasts are still north of my belly button, but I just wasn't feeling it.

Maybe I'm a big asshole and when I walk into the reunion everyone will laugh and laugh and it'll turn out like something out of Carrie, but I'm risking it. I dream of birds and elk. This is my slightly strange little dress.

And it's BEIGE, just like those $35 beige underpants.

I happen to like beige.

There, I said it.