Still grappling with the events of this past week. Everyone else seems to have gotten over it, Gideon especially, which is good. But I'm still experiencing the remnants of stress and anxiety connected with the intense feeling that he could have died and it would have been completely out of my control. Also, seeing him suffer so much pain, being wheeled away for surgery, waking from surgery . . . again, I felt so utterly helpless, at the whim of a greater power. In short, it messed me up. I'd been feeling pretty wonderful this past month or so, making lots of overdue changes that quickly brought all sorts of benefits and relief. My energy, sense of humor and overall happiness were starting to come back. But this week I'm exhausted again. I'm trying to put it all in some sort of context, more shake-ups were (are) needed, it didn't kill anybody, so we're all totally stronger and shit.

That's right, I'm insanely strong.

I will fuck you sideways, philosophically, or more likely poetically.

Did that make me sound tough or just sort of nutty? My gauge isn't working so good these days.