Tuesday, August 17, 2010

I'm having one of the best summers of my life. Nothing momentous happened. Just a steady stream of pleasant and peacefulness, despite it's busyness. I say that despite my dissatisfaction with the paltry work I'm producing. I'm hesitant to mention my happiness for fear that I'll jinx it. But damn it, things are good and a new opportunity is on the horizon, something I long considered a far off event, but here it is:


The main source of my happiness this summer is Gideon. We spent so much time together and as corny as it sounds, it's one gift after another, really precious shit. I've always enjoyed being a mother, but there's something truly wonderful about the age of 5. I say that despite the nose picking, the stickers on the furniture, his delight in describing his poop and the increasing sassiness. And oh my god, he never stops talking, sometimes Chris and I have to ask him to take a break.

When we went to his kindergarten orientation in June, I cried. Soon, Gideon began referring to himself as "manly" and "serious." I've been conscious the entire time that this is the end of an era. It does make me sad.

But oh my fucking god, I'm going to have 8:30am - 3:20pm back to myself. It's the beginning of an exciting, new era, full of countless possibilities. Whenever I didn't have time/energy to do something, I'd tell myself that I'd get back to it when Gideon was in school. Now, I'm not so sure. Motherhood has taught me a lot of things and one of those things is that my time is really valuable. I ain't just giving it away. I'm not squandering it on things I'm not passionate about or that I don't enjoy. I'm certainly not giving it to people who don't deserve it. I'm not going to cram a bunch of things into my day. Now that I'll only have evenings and weekends with Gideon, I'll need energy for that.

I haven't decided what I'm going to do with my newfound bounty. Still taking inventory. There are so many things I can do. I'm experiencing world-is-my-oyster vibes. It's like me and Joni Mitchell finally knowing what we got.